Parf Edhellen

“Mein Gott was haben wir getan?” were the last words of our commanding officer. That was the only thing I, Friedrich Adamczak, could remember after the infernal bombardment by the Russians… The bombardment that took my comrades away from me. The bombardment that sealed our fates with a lining of smoke, shrapnel and ash. We all knew it at this point, yet no one muttered a word about it. Death was to be our fate.

Or was it?

It was around our time for sleep when the Russians decided to treat us with a devastating wakeup call with their howitzers. Our ‘friends’ in ushankas wanted to remind us that they were still here. The endless craters from explosions and the relentless screams for help drowned the usual chatter of our battalion once more. It seemed that we were stripped away from the calm of the night, our only gateway to sanity.

The words uttered by our commander still echoed in my head. “My God what have we done?”. The war took a toll on all of us, but it seemed as though Oberstleutnant Otto, our commander, had felt solely responsible for it. I felt the complete opposite. We were just mere puppets to a party of relentless humans. Dots and lines on maps. Anything but human, taken away from our families to fight a war to end all wars. Thoughts like these were dangerous in the trenches and had to be kept in isolation to ourselves otherwise we’d pay the price. A firing squad. Nevertheless, I trusted my friend Ernst Kopfbol, the stronger, funnier, blonder version of me, with anything I felt or thought about.

It was four in the morning and it was my turn to man the trench post. I walked through the muddy trenches that turned and twisted in confusing directions into what we were meant to think were ‘strategic locations’. As I walked with the rising pale sun in the horizon, to the dugout at my post, I was reminded once more of the terrors of this distasteful war. Landsers, engineers, friends… All of them scattered along the edges of the trenches or embedded within barbed wire. Some still stuck out there on no man’s land. As soldiers we had to look past the wrath of our enemies but no matter how tough we seemed on the outside, we felt every bit of terror just like everyone else.

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A friendly face appeared as I arrived. “Hallo Freund!”, yelled Ernst. He climbed out of his dugout as soon as he saw me and tripped on his rifle in excitement. “Hello Ernst! Anything new in the sector?”, I questioned while cleaning the mud filled barrel of my Gewher-98. I got up onto the fire step to get a peak into No Man’s Land, while Ernst mumbled on about expected Russian sniper spots and how the new Oberstleutnant is a man with no experience. “The dummkopf has no field experience and acts like a man that goes by the book. Believe me Friedrich, he’s going to be the death of us”, Ernst bragged. “I know mein freund… I know..”, I replied. We sat down on the slippery duckboards discussing our calm lives back in sunny Dusseldorf but with quick haste, Ernst exclaimed “Alles ist gut my friend! Tata! I’ll see you at the mess. In one piece I hope!” as he left to the sad excuse of a mess hall, leaving me here at my post. He was always the charismatic one, loved by the entire battalion. It was tough to get attached with someone because there was always the threat that you wouldn’t see them the next morning. Alas, it was re-assuring to know someone had your back in these devastating lands.

I was left at the WEST HINDENBURG RELIEF CORNER at the frontline trench with Hans and Willem under the canvas of a cold, bitter morning. The Russians seemed to lay off the guns that morning. “Ha! Seems like the Tsar decided to treat his men with some bread! They’re busy eating instead of tearing us up!”, yelled Hans. Willem shushed him immediately and said he heard something. All three of us could hear it now, a shuffle within the dead leaves. Something was out lurking in no man’s land. “HALT!”, warned Hans as all three of us loaded our guns and aimed above the parapet, desperately in search for Russians. Shaking exclamations from the more junior soldiers, Hans and Willem ensued but I kept my calm and prepared for a Russian popping out of the mud. I heard the crunch of barbed wire as an abnormally large rabbit jumped into the trench with us. Surprised and caught off guard, Hans shot and immediately killed the rabbit. “Shiza! What was that!?”, Hans screamed. All three of us bursted into laughter as we caught our breath. “No Russians here Hans… Only a rabbit.”, I pressed.

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Later, on a gloomy Monday morning, me, Hans and Willem were called in by the new commanding officer. “What do you think it’s about?” Willem nervously asked. Instead of a reply he was met with a tense silence. We were all scared after the events of the previous day. The large, wooden door of the Oberstleutnant’s office cracked open with himself and a Military Police officer standing next to him. His neatly brushed hair and white teeth paired with his tidy uniform reflected nothing of a war experienced man. “Come in”, the commander ordered. The three of us entered the cramped room in a single file line and saluted the commander. An uneasy silence filled the room, eventually being broken by his high-pitched voice. “Alright gentlemen, I’m going to get straight to the point. One of you shot without orders and broke our strategic orders to maintain silence and refrain from firing a bullet unless ordered to.”

The commander got nothing but silence. “Well? Who was it?” he pressed.

“Sir… it… it… was m- “, Hans stuttered before being stopped. In a moment of hastiness, I cut in, “Mein Oberstleutnant, it was me. I mistook an animal for the enemy. These juniors were under my orders and I am responsible.” Hans stared at me in shock as the commander looked directly at me and spluttered out, “Well then soldier. I have no other choice but to have you shot for disobeying orders from high command. You’re all dismissed.” Terror filled me as Hans and Willem left the room in silence leaving just the commander, I and the MP officer.

Oberstleutnant Otto’s words echoed once more in my head… “My God what have we done?” This time making sense. What had I done? For the first time during my service I had not felt fear, interestingly it’s when I’m getting executed by my own and being labelled a coward. Inside I knew what I had gotten into and after all the suffering I had finally done it. Accepted my fate.

Whoever reads this, do understand, I don’t seek for justification of my death. I only write to inform you what war really is.

     Auf Wiedersehen my comrades. Tomorrow I am to be shot.

Aarez Ali